This day 3 years ago changed my life once. This day 1 year ago changed my life again.

Hearts forsaken, always for the taking

I never meant to hurt you but it happened in a haste

Suppose you would have stayed and seen me grow into a lady

The type you wanted from the beginning, but I was always mistaken

Whatever, it doesn’t matter because it’s all gone now

But the back of my mind where your memory lies is my home now

Say you can’t stand the mere image of me

That’s only because your eyes hold sight for what I used to be

Can’t say that’ll ever change , all I know is that I’m strong

And I will cherish this day no matter where I went wrong.

Learned to mask the care I have for you

Only because I know that closeness is bad for anyone new

Who might walk into your life

I really hope they help you through any strife

But even if there’s no one there, I still hope you see it through

At the stroke of midnight; October 26th, the day that’s exclusively for you.

Emotional detachment has got me running in another direction

Never to fear or be hurt by the words used to depict your current predilection

Of anyone but me,

Of course I see the animosity and aggression

But never does it bother me

It saddening to know that you will never get to exhibit the better of another human

You speak so elegantly of blindness but you’re blinding yourself

Blocking out everything that has ever hurt you is like blocking out the building stones

the ones that exchanged with you a cleansed version of cognition for the old; your own

The fire burns away and blood leaks through every crevice

When it used to be all daydreams and floating along through heaven

But I forget what it feels like to love anyone but myself

Learning to be mine and only mine increases happiness and spiritual wealth

You may never accept the declaration “I will never break another heart”

But it’s the truth, and the truth is what you taught me from the start.

Desperation

Man trapped in the length and width of deception

He tried to find a way out but the crowd wouldn't let him

More lies shot up to the sky

inside his veins lied the pain while his brain steered away

"you will be great"

"you will be straight"He didn't wanna hear that.

You'd see the fire through his godforsaken gleaming green eyes

the type that glow and shine

if he could be who he wanted, everything would be just

fine.

But no, society became "greater" than the people who originally gave labor.

People swear they're Holy just cause they bow their heads to say

g r a c e

But... this isn't the case.

Outrages sparked by miscommunication

conceptually mimicked by the tyrannical in our nation

Why don't we ALL just pay attention?

To notice that children of younger ages are being condemned

and cut down by "stages" of dictated growth.

Their diversity's suspended

zero individuality contended.

So yes, I'd have to say yes to being gay

if the word was taken for it's literal definition, not necessarily meaning sex with the same sex

but happy for the sake of freaking being happy.

To hell with children dyin`

cause of people pacifyin`

advocacy.

I'm done with seeing suicide stories on TV.

Isolation,

Mutilation

Not fascination?

Wait...what happened to differentiation?

Serpents slithering through the mind

crushing the productive thoughts,

and procrastination of the actual divine.

Although often thought of as mainstream supremacy

the white or christian upperclassmen simply ain't our deity.

The game is old as there needs to be restoration and vitality

for breathing never was the sole definition of living

But rather strutting through the struggle and making sure you're forgiving

that not everyone is persisting with the same principles as you.

Irony

Dying to sleep for the sake of a wake

Seeing the deepest unconscious of the day

Irony hiding behind each eye

Vision blinded but they don’t know why

Ideologies of supremacy perpetually cursed to lay and arise

without purpose of change like toxic warfare

“the nigger lives within the racist”

Labels draw out beyond the depths of the twilight zone

makes them want to crawl out their skin or be completely

A l o n e.

The definition of humanity, not exactly “humane”-prone

Where Nichiren, Zen, or Pure Land can oppress distinction

Eliminate attachments

Crucify conformity

Anticipate reaction

Participate assertion

Savages indeed in all of us

Like photography, give the light exposure

Generic visuals, conceptuality coated

But remember, silence cannot be quoted.

Close

Her eyes touch from your head to toes

As she notices, nothing she sees is the same as before

Maybe it’s her mind going back and forth

Or maybe it’s you and your indecisions

Between whether you wanna stay in place

Or have more distance.

She wishes she could ask what makes you feel this way

But her shame and guilt both answer to this day

You’re the one person she cares about

The one she calls home

Since you’ve been stuck in secluded phases

Her whole experience has been alone

Yes, she surrounds herself with shiny new faces

However, the sky seemed brighter when you were

fillin’ the spaces.

She never liked to be mushy when it came to stuff like this

But she misses you

She’s here to tell you- replacements between us don’t exist

Cysts On My Memory

The sickness depicted in your eyes

Stares at me, but I stare towards the sky

I ask, why? Why must you cry, when a thousand times I sigh for you?

Open ended questions with no set answer

But all I know is I’d rather die than see you in this condition

Condition to conditional, but my love for you is not of that nature

I can’t stop now, not even later.

The slow music in my head spins around the thought of losing you

But when I had you, I was simply using you

Whether I agree with that statement or not is irrelevant,

Cause my love for you was deep but it put you in the wrong element

I can’t continue to sweat and ask for you back

But I can at least write you with words and make sure everything is on track.

Not even that…the distance started to grow on me

You say I’m selfish cause I don’t bother to ask, but this is just a role for me

I had to cover my care with a mask until the care faded

But it will never be gone and that is why I stated

I will love you always girl, you’re my number…2

Sorry I had to put myself in 1st place, and it’s all because of you.